Tuesday, October 4, 2016

winter rutt.

So hard this time of year. Putting things to bed. Pouring over winter harvest books.

building dreams.

Life's a long and winding ride..... And happiness don't drag its feet. Time moves faster then you think. -Kip Moore.

I've been writing alot lately. But I never know when to hit publish. If my thoughts on paper are too private. But how good it feels to write. just write. with no care for grammar. no care who reads.
I was given a really nice blank notebook in my stocking this Christmas and when January 1st came, I opened it up and started to write. At night I curl up at my desk under the lamp light and write down what I am thankful for. It started with an idea from a book I read. 5 things that fill your heart with gratitude. The author said after a year it would change you. Some days my gratitude overfills a full page. Sometimes it is hard to find goodness, just one thing.
Sometimes we fight. Sometimes I feel like sneaking out the back door, into the cold night air..looking up at the stars. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I wonder about the big picture on days or weeks or months even,when money is so very tight. And then I remember. I remember that folks near by.. just down the road, have far less. That homes are cold tonight, when we brought home a truck full of hard wood. That my girls are tucked under piles of quilts, surrounded by dolls and stuffed animals and love. And tonight in our country children are sleeping on the floor. and with no love and clean quilts. That our plates are full of good things, that we made by hand. That we have a big house. That we have a piece of land and good soil. That we have apple trees. That we have piles of seeds and all the hope of a beautiful season ahead. That we breathe clean fresh air, and that we have our health. Tonight folks lay sick. And that most importantly we have big hearts full of love and hope and we are building dreams.

Life can be hard. I read so many blogs that show all the beauty. And I know it is because, it is the escape. But I also believe that the path we are on, makes us who we are, it makes our choices, it is why we believe..or choose not to believe. If we leave those times covered up in pretty photos and kind words. We are leaving behind a false sense of life. Each time I read something, I want to know more. I want to know those deep things that are covered up....whats really behind a person. It is not just in what I read. It is when I see a person. I want to see deeper then just their smiling face, or not. I want to know if they are happy...and why they are not. Our culture today, and yes you have heard it all before, but we are skin deep. We see each other in passing.. we barely wince a smile. We love people.. look up to people.. but we don't tell them. And then we watch there lives from a distance...maybe from facebook. on the outside. I feel like we have created a new generation that fails even at skin deep. We are now screen deep. maybe "screen shallow" sums it up better.
And then I wonder even more... I wonder if the reason we are failing to be with people and really give ourselves.. to open up and show life as it really is. Is simply because we see only the "beautiful part". Back to the false sense of reality.. but now it is everywhere so engrained in us, that this is what it should look like. This is what kind of shoes you should be wearing and what kinds of smiles you should have on your face, and what you should be driving..and it goes on..
I  have a dear friend who I love so much, but we don't spend as much time together as I would like. Life can be so busy you know. (I don't think this is a good excuse by the way). But anyhow, something I love dearly about her.. is that each time she comes to me.. she will pull up in her very old car.. I believe she has since moved on.. I think it finally died. But she showed with her life that money did not drive her. Money is driving us. it is driving us mad. I think it is hurting our hearts and our health.
Has my ADHD skipped a beat again? I know I can write like a crazy run on sentence. My 12th grade English teacher hated my writing because of it. But my mind and heart has alot to say sometimes.. And I do best to sort it out as I go. I have never been one to think things over real well. I kind of talk it out.. till it makes sense..till it adds up.
So I guess what I am trying to sort out and write for my readers to think about... is that, when we write only beauty, it only brings a certain level of comfort. If we show only beauty.. we are only showing a half truth. And a very shallow one indeed. But that it never portrays truth and it never gets down and touches the soul.
But I am the same you know.. and thats why I am writing about this. Yes, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve.. so I can be a bit more genuine then some. But I still need to work on facing truth in my own life. And using that truth to be a comfort to others.

//That time moves so very fast. We do know. And that each moment we have, we need to care for.//

A moment to write.

I am taking a few minutes to write ... my head is so incredibly foggy today. So incredibly tired.  I am dreaming of a tent somewhere away from the world and a really long summer nap.

I ended this place to be a mind sorting space.. not exactly a journal I can look back on. But if I want to get back into this rhythm of words.. I need to begin somewhere.

Phish is this weekend. It feels really good to be in the crowd. Each song brings me back years. 15 years. I can see the ice on the VT bridge and feel the breeze, when Christian is driving us up to Burlington in his old eighties Volvo wagon... Chalkdust Torture blaring.. like it was yesterday. All of us crammed inside. It feels like home in the oddest of ways to be standing in the mess of it all.

My life experience had been so limited.  I am working my way through this in my mind.. as to whether it has been sealed by fate, or if I have made my own choices.

Monday, April 13, 2015

going in.

"I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out.. I found...was really going in." -John Muir

Our days are like our maple sap buckets... over flowing at the brim. ......And so naturally we drop it all and run to the woods. We find great rest in the woods....following the path behind our home, across the North Branch Creek that pours into the Hudson and up the old wagon road through the woods to the place I grew up. We switchback and bushwhack and two miles turns into four and the sun begins to set about the time we reach the corn fields.... the day gone. 

"Let children walk with nature, let them see the beautiful blendings and communions of death and life, their joyous inseparable unity, as taught in woods and meadows, plains and mountains and streams of our blessed star, and they will learn that death is stingless indeed, and as beautiful as life, and that the grave has no victory, for it never fights.” -John Muir

Our time in the woods this season is only beginning... we have stacks of guide books thumb marked and some new to us gear trickling in from online finds. We have sections of the ATC highlighted and our anxiousness for exploring is hard to contain. This will be the first year that our oldest will take on the 'dacks High Peaks. I hope to chronicle more of our trips here, as we have scoured for decent sites ourselves exploring our Adirondack backyard and the pickings have been slim for little ones on the trail.

"Come to the woods, for here is rest. There is no repose like that of the green deep woods. Here grow the wallflower and the violet. The squirrel will come and sit upon your knee, the logcock will wake you in the morning. Sleep in forgetfulness of all ill. Of all the upness accessible to mortals, there is no upness comparable to the mountains." -John Muir 

Get outside sweet friends!
Be Well, Miss