i miss you.

dear grandma,
i am thinking alot about you tonight. i don't know if its the heat of the summer. i can here your voice calling to me in the other room to come on in and you will be right out. asking me if i want a drink and what have i eaten today and dont take off your muddy boots this is a farmhouse afterall and how is lauryn and how are you. and i missed you this week, but i know you have been busy. i would have stopped today to get a drink and hug you. i would have ran in the door to go pee and given you a kiss and grabbed a glass of water...a tiny jam jar of sulfur water, cold in the heat of the day between trips to my clark rd field and home. but your not home. and tonight i sit weeping for the way things used to be. so sentimental am i. i am typing this letter you will never read with no punctuation.. no care for proper grammar. you would hate that. sometimes i would stand in the doorway while you brushed your teeth. i would watch you put curlers in your hair in the kitchen. watch you hemming an old pair of jeans with a needle in your mouth. i hear you reciting ogden nash to keep me on my toes ofcourse. i miss you. i miss the way you smell. i miss your hugs and it is so selfish of me to not see you often. but it hurts so much. to see you in that fancy place. with no clothesline. no creek in the floor where it dips outside your bedroom. no kitchen window to turn open. no fresh selfridge road air. no black eyed susans. they will always be my favorite you know. i miss you. love your blonde haired blue eyed missy.